If you’re in your 20s you’ve probably done it, you’ve downloaded Tinder. For those of you that shockingly might not know what Tinder is, it’s an app where you either swipe left or right depending on what you think of the persons picture. So basically you a judging people based strictly on how they look and nothing else. Every once and a while someone will write something but 9 times out of 10 its something dumb like if you could have any super power what would it be? When push comes to shove though Tinder is basically an app for hooking up.
I’ll admit it, I have Tinder on my phone right now. I downloaded at first just out of curiosity and now I keep it mostly for entertainment. And while I’m on this admitting spree I actually have met a couple guys from there. Just to be clear I did not sleep with any of them! There have been 3 so far and I’m suppose to meet another next week. Lets meet my Tinder boys…
1. Mr. Homeless
Ok so he was his pictures (all 5 of them) where of him doing mud runs and other outside stuff and he looked cute so I agreed to meet for drinks one night. I get there and yes he looked like his pictures but when he opened his mouth and spoke it sounded like he never hit puberty! Ok so maybe it shallow but strike one for the voice. We get to talking and I find out that he is living in a tent. I wish I was making this up but he was literally staying on some random land in a tent every night for the next two months until his condo was done. His parents live here and he still picked a tent. Needless to say I didn’t see Mr. Homeless again.
2. Mr. Drunk
The night the Panthers played the Patriots was an interesting night all the way around for more reasons then Mr. Drunk. I agreed to meet Mr. Drunk at a local sports bar to watch the game. Little did I know he was a die hard Panthers fan and hammered drunk by the time I got there. I love football but he was a little much considering it was the first time we had met. He kept running into people and spilling his drink. Oh and then there was the kissing… The Panthers pulled ahead and he got so excited that he kissed me I thought it was just going to be a pop kiss, I was wrong! Next thing I know his tongue is down my throat in what was probably sloppiest kiss I’d ever had. He finally had to pee and I went and hid. Yes I hid, he was so drunk, all over me and just straight acting like a fool I had to get away. Again I never saw him again after that night.
3. Mr. Goofball
I actually just met Mr. Goofball this week. We had been texting for a couple days and he actually seemed like a normal guy. We could carry on a conversation, he would talk shit back to me and he was funny. I agreed to have dinner with him. We go to Flemings Steakhouse in Uptown. He gets there and he is taller then me, bonus points! The conversation is a tab awkward but we keep it going. But I kept getting distracted because you know how some people having really bendy fingers, like they will bend back really far. Well he kept bending his fingers back and on top of that he kept touching his face. Not just once or twice but like every couple minutes. Maybe he was just super nervous. Overall the night wasn’t bad but you know how you know if there is something there or not pretty quick, well there just wasn’t anything there for me. I didn’t want to jump in bed with him hell I didn’t really want to kiss him and he didn’t try and I was ok with that. We have been texting still and I was suppose to met him for drinks last night but last minute I bailed with a lame excuse. I did promise Blakley that I would go out with him for a second time so I’ll keep you posted on that.
4. Mr. Basketball
I haven’t actually met Mr. Basketball yet. He invited me to a concert tonight but I couldn’t go. Not because I didn’t want to but I already had plans that I couldn’t break. I can tell you this about him, he is 6’6, from New Zealand and played pro basketball. I’m supposed to see him Saturday night I’ll let you know how it goes!