Playing With Fire


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Saying I’m play with fire might be an understatement… In the past 72 hours I feel like my dating life spiraled out of control.

RECAP:

1. Mr. Off Limits and I no longer have to sneak around and its so different to see him with this I don’t care who see’s us attitude
2. I got obliterated Sunday off of Whiskey and poured my heart out to an ex, and now they want me to come see them this weekend (we live in different states)
3. Mr. Bad News hit on me in front of his ex girlfriend who I know for a fact still has feelings for him and calls him “the one”

Ok so the third one isn’t really that important it just threw me off. The first two though have my head spinning. So I’m going to make kind of pros and cons list..

Mr. Off Limits (still haven’t thought of a new name): Not really my type looks wise but I love his personality. I love that I can just be myself with him. He doesn’t care if I’m rocking sweats and sports bra with no make up or if I’m dressed to the nines and hitting the town with girls. He always has me laughing and he  keeps interested which is hard to do because I get bored with guys fast. He is older than me which is nice. He never gets mad at me for being young or immature. Like he wasn’t even the least bit mad about how drunk I was Sunday he came and picked me up and take me home and took care of me. He never cares when I’m out and I blow his shit up (yes I’m that girl sometimes). He talks shit with me and doesn’t always let me win which wins you major point with me. The sex is amazing. He had me figured out pretty quick and he even knows some of the weird things like in bed and he does them. He has no problem slamming into a wall, catching me off guard and going at it right there but he can also be sweet about it. An the fact that we don’t have to sneak around his room mate anymore is great. Last night we went down to his place while his room mate was still up, talked with them for a little while and then went to his room and fucked while they were in the living room. He hasn’t done that in the 4 months we have been doing whatever it is we are doing. I was shocked to say the least! This morning he snoozes his alarm rolls over, starts kissing my shoulders which leads to some great morning sex. A girl can’t really complain…

The ex: I guess I should start out by telling you this ex of mine is a girl… so theres that. She isn’t really my type when it comes to looks either and everyone tells me that when they see old pictures of us. But again her personality wins me over. I can’t help but smile when I’m with her. She is everything I have ever wanted in  a person and relationship. I compare everyone to her. I know I love her I always will love her. But I’m not sure it can work because we are in two different places in our lives. She wants to settle down get a place with someone a dog, she doesn’t like to go out and it drives her nuts that I go out. And we live in different states so one of us is going to have to give up everything and that someone is me. She wants me to come see her this weekend but I’m not sure it is a good idea because I know if I see her my heart will melt and I’ll be putty. She can still do that to me after all theses years and all our fights and trust me I could start a blog on just the roller coaster ride that was our relationship. She is a great girl, motivated, loving, caring, accepting… she inspires me to be a better person honestly. But I’m afraid we have to much of a past to wipe the slate clean.

My ex has no idea that I’ve been kinda seeing Mr. Off Limits for a couple months and if she found out she would never speak to me again. It would break her if she knew. I’m not trying to destroy her I swear. I don’t know what to do I kind of want to see where things with Mr. Off Limits will go (even though everyone Blakley included says I can do better than him). But to do that I’m going to have to break the heart of the one person who has loved me and been there for me through some of the hardest times. Thank you Jack Daniels for helping into this mess that I have no clue how to get out off. When you play with fire someone always gets burned… always

END OF VENT…
alex

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5 thoughts on “Playing With Fire

  1. Here’s my advice: don’t see your ex. She might inspire you to be a better person, but if your personalities and hobbies are completely different, you’ll never quite understand each other, and the compromises will only hurt you both. Just tell her you’re sorry for the drunken rave, talk over why it wouldn’t be a good idea to get back together, and go back to making the most of Mr. Off-Limits no longer being off-limits.
    Or become polyamorous… but scheduling and jealousy management is hard, so… eh.

    • Thats pretty much what I did! Her and I tried to have a civil congo but it turned into a knock down drag out fight. Our personalities and hobbies really aren’t that different actually. When we were together we were amazing, I remember getting told once we lit up a room when we were together. We had that relationship everybody wanted but things change i changed and now we are in different spots in our lives. I walked away from the one person I love whole heartedly because I’m not ready for that right now. If we are truly meant to we will find our way back to each other!

      On a much happier note, Mr. Not So Off Limits is being pretty perfect these past couple days. He is all about me all of a sudden lol not that I’m complaining. I don’t know what we are or what we are doing but its fun and he is keeping me interested so I’m going to stick around for a little while.

      Polyamorous… not my thing lol I’m to jealous and selfish
      -A

      • Aw, good luck then. Like you said, if it’s meant to be, it’ll happen at some point. Maybe you both need to grow some more seperately before you can be together. Have fun growing anyway! 😀

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