Welcome To My Life, It’s A First Class Hot Mess

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My life = a complete mess…

 

Friday night I went out for a going away party with friends of Mr. Whitewater. It was no big deal he wasn’t there and everyone had a goos time. Most of the night I spent with my best friend just sitting at the bar talking to people. For most of the time the one guy has his arm around my shoulder or on my back. I know him and he knows about Mr. Whitewater and everything else so I really didn’t think twice about it. Well later that night that guy starts texting me asking me to come over and blah blah blah I tell him no and let it go he was drunk. That same night we all go to the strip club and yes i am still with Mr. Whitewater’s friends my room mate and my best friend. Some of them had to work in the morning so I told them they could crash at my place bc it was close. We get back to my place and one of the guys gets in my bed… he has a girl friend I know her I like her he literally just got in my bed to sleep NOTHING HAPPENED!

Saturday night I went backpacking with let’s just call him the Teacher. He also is friends with Mr. Whitewater but I’ve been hanging out with him for a couple weeks now. He knows everything that happened between Mr. Whitewater and I. Anyway the Teacher and I go camping just the two of us. It was a great trip we talked we hung out we had text sex lol I have no complaints about how the weekend went. I get back last night and pass out around 630. By the time i wake up around 10 my room mate is home. I knew this was coming but I still wasn’t trying to have the conversation.

Next thing I know my room mate is lecturing me about everything that has happened in the past two weeks. “Alex what is it you want from guys?” “Don’t you realize what you are doing?” “Don’t you realize all these guys are connected?” “Why can’t you just be happy?” “Don’t you see something wrong with this?” Question after question after question… this goes on for almost 20 mins. Then he brings up the Teacher and goes I really don’t like him and you can do so much better than him but the cherry on top was when he said and I quote, “Don’t let him spend the night over here. I don’t care if you want to sleep at his place but I don’t want him here. If you didn’t like the girl I was seeing I wouldn’t bring her around and I expect the same respect.” WHAT THE FUCK?!? I let it go last night because i was tired of having this conversation. Now as I sit at work and think about it I ‘m super heated.

First of all he has no right to tell me who I can bring back to my own place. He has been there for two weeks and he doesn’t even pay rent, clean up or anything. but he thinks he can tell me who I can have spend the night based on the fact that he doesn’t like him. Umm no try again. This guy has had one girlfriend his entire life, he already admitted to not knowing what it is like to be in love or to get hurt. And he sure as hell has no idea what it is like to have someone tell you that you aren’t worth it. I get it I haven’t made some of the best decisions since Mr. Whitewater and I ended but he has no right to judge me. It would be one thing if I was fucking all these guys but I’m not. Honestly after all of this part of my wants to just end any and all relationships with anyone that knows my ex and just walk away from everything. I’m not blaming anyone I put myself in these situations but I definitely don’t need someone in my ear judging me about them.
alex

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Between A Rock And A….Dick

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God it is almost comical how fast things change. Two months ago I’m a hot mess over a guy (Mr. Whitewater) who I thought was amazingly perfect for me only to find out he was a jackass who didn’t care how bad he hurt me. Now I’m over it for the most part, don’t get me wrong from time to time I still think about him and want to talk to him but I now see his true colors and I understand that he isn’t the guy I thought he was. And now we arrive at my newest boy problem…

When Mr. Whitewater and I broke up he said stay away from my friends. I did but its not my fault that we see them out and they invite us to do things and they come to the things we invite them too. No one is forcing his friends to hang out with me and my friends. Actually they have told me more then once they like hanging out with me more now that I’m not with him. One night a couple weeks ago we are at a house party with some of his friends from work and I’m sitting there talking to one of the guy, no big deal. Nothing happens I pass out a couple hours later. Every day since then I have talked to him. And not only talked to him but we have hung out and hooked up. At first I thought it was just a casual thing but I’m starting to think its more than that now.

Now we arrive at problem number two… I am currently let one of Mr. Whitewaters friends/co workers crash in my second bedroom. He told me he was staying in his car I couldn’t not offer him my spare room isn’t not like I use it. The guy is a great room mate seriously he is so much fun to have around and chill. We flirt and goof around but nothing has happened. I can tell he wants it to though. I’m going to have to have that talk with him about us just being room mates which is going to suck because I don’t want to hurt his feelings.

So incase you are completely lost two guys that work with and are kind of friends with my ex are trying to get at me and I don’t know what to do!? One of them I’m kinda in to and one of them I just want as a really sweet room mate but both of them know my ex. And on top of all of that my ex is going around work and telling people things about me like that I’m hooking up with random ass people and shit. Why would Mr. White water even care what I am doing? he broke up with me, he told me I wasn’t worth it so why does he feel the need to go around running his mouth about me?

UGHHH I really don’t know how I managed to get myself into this situation and I feel like a horrible person for it 😦
alex

The One Night Stand

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I know this is going to sound shocking but i have never had one. Yes you read that right, I Alex have never had a one night stand… everyone I’ve hooked up with I have been dating or had feelings for. I have never just taken a random guy home from a bar or where ever, slept with him and never spoken to him again.

But apparently its something every girl should do once… or so my friends say. All this stuff with Mr. Whitewater has really fucked with my head (I’ll tell you about that tomorrow) that I am actually considering doing this. I think, maybe, I don’t know. Something about sleeping with a random guy just for the hell of it doesn’t sound like fun to me. What the fuck are you suppose to do in the morning lol?! What if its awkward? What if he is super small? What if he can’t kiss? Oh man lol the number of things that can go wrong seem endless. If someone could please explain to me what is so great about one night stands I am all ears but I think for right now I’m just going to stick with my vibrator until I find someone I want to date.
alex

Going, Going…GONE…

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And just like that as fast as it started it is over. Mr. Whitewater ended things because I threw yet another drunken fit. Moral of the story I going to lay off from the drinking for a while…a longgggg while. Because the sad part is I never wanted to push him away I never anted things to end. He was perfect for me, he made me want to be a better person he pushed me outside of my comfort zone but most of all he made me feel safe and cared for, wanted…

This happened Sunday night after the soccer game and it has taken me four days to even try to write this. I didn’t go to work on Monday hell I didn’t even get out of bed. I’ve done nothing but cry and cry and cry. Everything in my apartment reminds me of him. My hoodie smells like his sunscreen, I can’t even look at some of my dresses because they make me think of the time he tried to literally rip my dress off of me during a lunch break hookup session. I haven’t stepped foot on my patio because the last time I was really out there he was so cute and gave me his necklace that suppose to protect you on water. It was so sweet the way he did it and it was the first time he had ever given his necklace to anyone. It is the smallest things right not that just completely undo me. I can’t even go into my pictures on my phone bc there are a bunch of him taking selfies and being dumb. All I can think about is all the things we did together, all the times he made me laugh, gave me butterflies. the time I got back from a trip and it had only been three days and when he opened the front door he just kissed me and I mean really kissed me. He didn’t say hi he just wrapped me in his arms and kissed me. Even though I wasn’t ready for it and had a mouthful of corn dog the kiss still made my knees go weak. and now, now he won’t see me he won’t speak to me, I know he is hurt but he is killing me.

I would give anything for him to forgive me, take me back and let me make it right….
alex

Playing With Fire

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Saying I’m play with fire might be an understatement… In the past 72 hours I feel like my dating life spiraled out of control.

RECAP:

1. Mr. Off Limits and I no longer have to sneak around and its so different to see him with this I don’t care who see’s us attitude
2. I got obliterated Sunday off of Whiskey and poured my heart out to an ex, and now they want me to come see them this weekend (we live in different states)
3. Mr. Bad News hit on me in front of his ex girlfriend who I know for a fact still has feelings for him and calls him “the one”

Ok so the third one isn’t really that important it just threw me off. The first two though have my head spinning. So I’m going to make kind of pros and cons list..

Mr. Off Limits (still haven’t thought of a new name): Not really my type looks wise but I love his personality. I love that I can just be myself with him. He doesn’t care if I’m rocking sweats and sports bra with no make up or if I’m dressed to the nines and hitting the town with girls. He always has me laughing and he  keeps interested which is hard to do because I get bored with guys fast. He is older than me which is nice. He never gets mad at me for being young or immature. Like he wasn’t even the least bit mad about how drunk I was Sunday he came and picked me up and take me home and took care of me. He never cares when I’m out and I blow his shit up (yes I’m that girl sometimes). He talks shit with me and doesn’t always let me win which wins you major point with me. The sex is amazing. He had me figured out pretty quick and he even knows some of the weird things like in bed and he does them. He has no problem slamming into a wall, catching me off guard and going at it right there but he can also be sweet about it. An the fact that we don’t have to sneak around his room mate anymore is great. Last night we went down to his place while his room mate was still up, talked with them for a little while and then went to his room and fucked while they were in the living room. He hasn’t done that in the 4 months we have been doing whatever it is we are doing. I was shocked to say the least! This morning he snoozes his alarm rolls over, starts kissing my shoulders which leads to some great morning sex. A girl can’t really complain…

The ex: I guess I should start out by telling you this ex of mine is a girl… so theres that. She isn’t really my type when it comes to looks either and everyone tells me that when they see old pictures of us. But again her personality wins me over. I can’t help but smile when I’m with her. She is everything I have ever wanted in  a person and relationship. I compare everyone to her. I know I love her I always will love her. But I’m not sure it can work because we are in two different places in our lives. She wants to settle down get a place with someone a dog, she doesn’t like to go out and it drives her nuts that I go out. And we live in different states so one of us is going to have to give up everything and that someone is me. She wants me to come see her this weekend but I’m not sure it is a good idea because I know if I see her my heart will melt and I’ll be putty. She can still do that to me after all theses years and all our fights and trust me I could start a blog on just the roller coaster ride that was our relationship. She is a great girl, motivated, loving, caring, accepting… she inspires me to be a better person honestly. But I’m afraid we have to much of a past to wipe the slate clean.

My ex has no idea that I’ve been kinda seeing Mr. Off Limits for a couple months and if she found out she would never speak to me again. It would break her if she knew. I’m not trying to destroy her I swear. I don’t know what to do I kind of want to see where things with Mr. Off Limits will go (even though everyone Blakley included says I can do better than him). But to do that I’m going to have to break the heart of the one person who has loved me and been there for me through some of the hardest times. Thank you Jack Daniels for helping into this mess that I have no clue how to get out off. When you play with fire someone always gets burned… always

END OF VENT…
alex

HAPPY BIRTHDAY BLAKLEY

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IT’S MY BEST FRIENDS BIRTHDAYYYYYY. I can’t wait to see what the weekend holds for us! Happy Birthday Blakley I love you cupcake 🙂 I’m so glad we are best friends!
alex

What a Girl’s Outfit at the Bar Says About Her

What a Girl’s Outfit at the Bar Says About Her.

by Ariana Basseri on February 20, 2014

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This is the definition of judging a book by its cover, so hear me out.

I’ve worn all these ensembles and had the correlating personas to back it up. As a girl, you can be the babe looking like you belongs at “da club” on Friday and be dressed like a kindergarten teacher Saturday. It all goes back to when you were rifling through your closet earlier that night.

Here is a guide to help you read how she’s feeling- all based on what she left her pregame wearing.

Skin-Tight American Apparel

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What It Means: I’m a confident badass. I’ve worked my ass off at the gym and resisted Chipotle for the last forty-eight hours. I’m going to be a lightweight tonight because I ate a piece of toast for dinner six hours ago. You can see when I inhale and I have nothing to hide. If I’m wearing underwear, it’s hiked up to my waist and I literally look like a silhouette of my naked self. You have a good chance to later discover my stick-on bra if I don’t leave the bar early to eat some street meat.

Cultural reference: 2007 Paris Hilton

Flowy top over jeans with major cleavage

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What It Means:  I have my period. I’d like to distract from the 5 pounds of water weight being distributed randomly on my body by showing major chest action. I’m overcompensating with heavy makeup and my highest heels. I probably cried earlier that day about an incorrect sandwich order, so please be sensitive. You won’t completely score with me tonight, but you’ll get me at my best breasts.

Cultural reference: Mindy Lahiri from The Mindy Project

Hipster – Dark

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What It Means:  I’m bored and DGAF chic. I’m wearing a floppy hat, thick-rimmed glasses and caplet thing. My hair may also be in a high bun. I think I’m too good for this shit. I’m going to talk authors, gallery openings and the most expensive fair-trade coffee I’ve ever had to scare you off. I will completely lose interest in you unless you pull up a seat and offer me your American Spirits. Negative points for Camel Crushes, who do you think I am?

Cultural reference: Daria (Daria. Obvi.)

Hipster- Light

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What It Means: I’m high. I’m wearing a loose ethereal flowing dress with sandals. I’d love to talk about the energy of this place and drink your beer without permission. I will say yes to join you on the d-floor and tell you 100% more than you ever wanted to know about your zodiac sign. I’d love to leave this place to go meet your bong named Klaus.

Cultural reference: Jessa from Girls

Daytime Outfit

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What It Means:  I was pressured into this. I have no fucks to give. My shirt is some cotton blend and I’ve been wearing it since breakfast. My friends forced me to leave my apartment and I have a cab waiting for me outside. I can be swayed to have a good time but my un-styled ponytail and faded makeup is cramping my confidence. I won’t believe your compliments so don’t try. Actually, just don’t try at all.

Cultural reference: Lindsay Lohan

Future Politician’s Wife

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What It Means:  I’m secret sexy. I’m all done up and my hair is perfectly quaffed. Don’t take my high neckline and pearls as a deterrent. You think I’m going to be no fun, and you are so wrong. Even drunk I keep total composure through the night and never skip a beat when whipping out that sorority pose for pictures. I’ll take you up on your drink offer and will eventually unleash my wild side if you are worthy. I’m your librarian/secretary fantasy realized.

Cultural reference: Claire Underwood (House of Cards)

Basic Bitch

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What It Means:  It’s not a bad thing. I>’m on point with the rest of the female population in here. My outfit can be summed up as “cute!!” I’m wearing jeans or a bandage skirt, party top and heels. So are all my friends. This is an average night out and I can see it going anywhere. After all, I can easily pull this outfit off tomorrow morning at Starbucks with little judgment from thebaristas.

Cultural reference: Anyone ever cast as “hot club girl.”

Top pic via The Chive

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